‘Til Death Do Us Part

According to a study conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics (2012) the probability of a first marriage reaching its 20th anniversary was 52% for women and 56% for men in 2006-2010. This statistic shocked me; however, after reading this information I reflected back on a conversation I had approximately seven years ago with one of my former colleagues. This woman was in her mid-thirties and just recently engaged. During our conversation she stated that she was happy now, but implied that she would reassess the situation after they were married. She then stated that she hoped the marriage lasts. I was immediately confused. If she was not sure if she could fully commit for the lifelong journey then why was she marrying?

“‘Til death do us part” is the promise made by man and woman on their wedding day.  They are making this commitment to each other despite challenges that they may face (for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health). Marriage is work. It will only last if the husband and wife make the commitment to work at the relationship. When times get rough you cannot just jump ship.

Too often today couples choose to forget the vow and commitment made to one another on their wedding day. When individuals do not stand by this commitment it is a very selfish act. Is divorce ever an answer – yes! Wow, you probably didn’t expect me to say that. There are some instances where divorce may be acceptable, such as in situations where there is abuse involved (physical, emotional sexual, or substance), but when you review the reasons for the dissolution of marriages in the US abuse is not on the top of the list.

If marital problems occur and abuse is not a factor, the problems can be conquered by developing skills and working hard to address the issues. For a marriage to be successful couples need to develop skills to communicate, listen, love, and cherish. Love, true love, is the ability to forgive. It is inevitable that during the marriage mistakes will be made by both spouses. We are humans and making mistakes is part of the human condition.

Marriage is not an experiment nor is it temporary. You cannot begin or continue your journey with the mindset that it is and hope that all works out in your favor.

Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3).

Reference

Copen, C.E., Daniels, K. Vespa, J. Masher, W.D. (2012). First marriages in the United States: Data from the 2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth. National Health Statistics Reports; 49. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics.